| Saturday, December 5th, 2009 |
| 1:24 pm |
Last night was interesting, to say the least. At one point or another, while still with Bonnie and Klayton, I said this to Carina.... "Carina, you and I have a weird relationship. You need weed and I need a friend." I think we're a match made in heaven. The next Thelma and Louise. And...um...the monday before Thanksgiving I dropped acid. I was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. Current Mood:  enthralled |
| Thursday, November 12th, 2009 |
| 12:05 am |
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| Tuesday, November 10th, 2009 |
| 10:34 pm |
she whispers while i'm sleeping
i love it when you smile
i didn't really lose you
i just lost it for a while Current Mood:  tiredCurrent Music: dagger - slowdive |
| Tuesday, October 20th, 2009 |
| 9:17 pm |
It's not even November and it's already beginning to set in. Last year I don't remember this happening. It's funny how a person can have such a tremendous affect on ones life. Current Music: fish in the sea - madeline adams |
| Friday, September 25th, 2009 |
| 8:21 pm |
fuck periods for making me all horny and romantic and shit
"Best I Ever Had" by Drake, "Mrs. Officer" by Lil' Wayne* and "Birthday Sex" by Jeremih are the most romantic songs in the world but for some reason when ever I listen to them I just get thisincredible urge to go have steamy, passionate, romantic sex in either an open glass shower with dark stone tiles or in a room with a big queen bed wtih all white sheets and big red roses on the night stand. *Anything by Lil' Wayne makes me feel this way. His voice is so sexy. aksdjfhadhfgkasd D: Current Mood:  hornyCurrent Music: birthday sex - jeremih |
| Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009 |
| 12:28 am |
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| Sunday, September 20th, 2009 |
| 10:49 pm |
I'm tired.
I'm tired of having anxiety attacks everytime I feel alone.
I'm tired of feeling every single emotion at one time.
I'm tired of missing Bill.
I'm tired of missing, wanting, loving someone who so obviously doesn't want to be with me.
I'm tired of playing Neopets and Sudoku to distract me from all these things.
I'm not even interested in boys anymore. I feel like, no matter who I end up with, I'm just going to be disappointed because they will never be able to make me feel as loved as he did. At this point I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life then be with someone who isn't as great as he was. In other words, I want Bill or nothing and as stupid, insane, and obessive as that sounds it's true.
FUCK
All I want to do right now is eat and sleep but the more I do those two things the more disgusting I feel. Current Mood:  crankyCurrent Music: Southern Comfort - Arrah and the Ferns |
| Thursday, September 10th, 2009 |
| 11:02 pm |
i fucking hate couples. they just make me miss a certain (not so) insignificant person even more than i usually do FUCK Current Mood:  enviousCurrent Music: beatles rock band |
| Tuesday, September 8th, 2009 |
| 9:46 am |
i still love you as much as i did the day we met. i don't know how much longer i can continue to hide the fact that i'm still upset over you leaving. Current Mood:  listless |
| 12:29 am |
fuckfuckfuckfuck keep on fucking life up one day at a time Current Mood:  apathetic |
| Monday, August 31st, 2009 |
| 10:41 pm |
Everyone is here but you're nowhere near..... Current Mood:  contemplative |
| Sunday, August 23rd, 2009 |
| 10:50 pm |
I honestly can't believe I slept with that:
I'm going to vomit Current Mood:  DISGUSTED |
| 12:46 pm |
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| Saturday, August 22nd, 2009 |
| 12:25 am |
i have hit rock bottom
i think its safe to assume you've hit rock bottom whenyou get more comfort and closure from writing in your lj than from talking to real life human beings with emtions and souls. i'm really freaking out. really really really really really freaking out. my mind is going in circles. i really think this is the big one, the one that sends me to the big house. i hate smoking i hate smoking i hate. i hate it so much yet i continue to smoke when ever the opportunity arises. i know all this sounds very irrational and very very crazy but i'm really loosing it. i thought i was over him but obviously i'm not cause i'm cant stop thinking about him. i just want to be through with this whole thing. i want to get better and not care about bill and be free from all that emotional bullshit but i can't let go. one bad thing keeps happening after another and when i think it cant get any worse it does and all i want to do is crawl in a ball on bill's lap and cry. i can't do this though cause i fucked everything up. i fucked everything and he's never coming back . HE'S NEVER COMING BACK! MOVE ONE! i'm so scared to be alone. i've always been alone and i will forever be alone. the only time i wasnt alone in my life was when i was with bill. he was so amazing and i fucked it up. i was too clingy, moody, paranoid, insenstive, ungrateful, selfish bitch. and i was too blind to see it until it was way too late. the more i do to try to get him back the farther i push him away. i want to go to my mom and cry to her but all she'll do is tell me i'm it'll be ok that tomorrow is a new day but i dont want a new day. i want the old days back the days with bill. i need totell her how alone i feel all the time, how i'm not doing good, how i'm slowly but surely loosing my mind and i need to go somewhere. somewhere far away where i dont have to see/deal with anything or anyone ever again. somewhere they can fix me cause i hate feeling like this. i hate being so dependent on him and what him back when he clearly doesnt care about me and hurt me so much. i hate feeling so alone/different/crazy/isolated. and the more i feel like that the more i try to isolate myself from people so they wont know i'm crazy. i hate everything about myself. i would rather die then feel all this. its one big fucking circle and its never gonna end. i think i really need help. i dont know what to do. should i talk to my mom? idk i'm Current Mood:  anxious |
| Friday, August 21st, 2009 |
| 9:40 pm |
FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKY OU FUCK YOU! Current Mood:  irate |
| Monday, August 17th, 2009 |
| 12:16 am |
friday night
i finally rebounded. it was with a chick. she fucked me with her strap on. more than once. details later Current Mood:  contentCurrent Music: squidbillies |
| Sunday, August 16th, 2009 |
| 11:08 pm |
On thursday I had one of the longest conversations I've had with Bill in a long time and for the first time since we broke up I didn't feel like crying. I think I may have finally convinced myself that I'm okay. I also saw the movie (500) Days of Summer with Cierra and Jillian. It was a fantastic movie except the ending kind of crushed any hope I had in Bill and I ever getting back together. But I guess there's no hope in bringing something back that has already died. Surprisingly, though, the ending also gave me hope in someday finding someone new. Current Mood: blah |
| Wednesday, August 12th, 2009 |
| 2:02 am |
Sometimes before I arrive home for the night I get really excited to crawl in bed to cuddle, snuggle, and spoon with Bill and then I remember the only thing I'll be spooning with tonight is my pillow. he's never coming back. he's never coming back. he's never coming back. he's never coming back. HE'S NEVER FUCKING COMING BACK. No matter how many times I tell myself this I still don't want/can't believe it. Current Mood: nostalgicCurrent Music: Billie the Vision & The Dancers - I'm a Cuckoo | Powered by Last.fm |
| Sunday, August 9th, 2009 |
| 1:25 pm |
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| Friday, August 7th, 2009 |
| 5:03 pm |
DEAR EVERYONE
GO CHOKE ON A COCK WHILE FUCKING THEMSELVES A MILLION TIMES OVER. I HATE EVERY SINGLE LAST ONE OF YOU. FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE -ALORA Current Mood: nauseated |
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billy_liarr's journal
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